What we usually say: “I know, I’m not too worried.” What we are really thinking: “Actually, I am worried. I’m not getting any younger and every year that goes by is a year means the odds of not having kids/not having more kids goes up. And sure, ‘it will happen when it’s supposed to’, but that doesn’t mean I want that day to come years from now. Plus, I’m not sure I want to be ready to retire when my kids finally graduate high school.”
We aren’t really worried about finding that special someone because of time’s passing. No, we would just rather pass time with that special someone. Enough said.
What we usually say: “I know, and I’m trying to be patient.” What we are really thinking: “So basically you have no real advice other than, ‘wait for it, wait for iiiittttt.’ Well, thanks Shawn Spencer. I’m going to go back to my life now and just sit around and ‘wait for it’.”
Ok, we know that you’re trying to take the pressure off our shoulders, but saying this actually makes us think about it even more. And it sounds like we have no power to make it happen, that we are just at the mercy of fate.
7. “Maybe you need to put yourself out there more.”
What we usually say: “Hmm, that could be true. ” What we are really thinking: “Ok, let me explain how far out there I am. I’m on Tinder, Match, Facebook, Yoursinglesiteofchoice, I go to social activities when I can, I volunteer with other singles, I do my best to keep up a good appearance and workout regularly, I’ve got a blog, nonprofit, business, I go to speed-dating, organize other single parties and let’s see. Well, I guess I could buy some ads in the paper or put my photo on a billboard along the freeway. Any other ideas on how I can ‘put enda Dominikanska damer myself out there’?”
Again, we know you mean well and are just trying to help. But the truth is that most singles and midsingles I know have so many things on their plate right now. Family, jobs, church responsibilities, service commitments & projects, professional pursuits and the list goes on and on. And even with all that, they still make a Herculean effort to be at as many social activities as possible. Maybe the billboard idea isn’t so bad.
8. “I know someone I can set you up with.”
What we usually say: “Oh really? That’s great.” What we are really thinking: “In reality, that’s probably not great. I’m sure your friend/cousin/neighbor/coworker/etc. is an awesome person, but let’s be honest: you probably only thought of setting us up because A. he/she is a member of the opposite sex and B. we are both single. Well, gee, if that’s all that was required to find someone I’d (gasp), be married by now.”
Ok, in reality most singles need to do a better job at accepting blind dates. The typical reaction is very Monthy Python and the Holy Grail-esque: “Run away!” At the same time, however, when you’re thinking of setting up the single friend in your life, please give it more thought than “he’s a he and she’s a she. perfect!”
9. “I wish I was still single, you should live it up.”
What we usually say: “No you don’t.” What we are really thinking: “No you don’t. Sure, you might think that when you and your spouse had a fight or the kids are driving you crazy or you’ve had no sleep for two days. But be honest: Hell would freeze over before you would give up what you have. So stop complaining and go give your significant other a huge kiss and thank them for putting up with all your craziness.”